I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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