You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
