I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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