So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
