Got a toothbrush?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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