its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
