that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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