I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You pole danced in your parka.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
