Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Never joke about your clitoris.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize