It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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