Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize