I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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