I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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