can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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