it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
