I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
