Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
