i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
