Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
