Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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