So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
