Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
