Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
