can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize