I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
