hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
