Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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