You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
