her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
