I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my shit smells like andre
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
