I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
