Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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