It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just found puke in my bra..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
