false alarm. still invincible.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
