I want you more than these girls want KFC
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
