he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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