he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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