I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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