Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
