My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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