Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
