I look better un-naked...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize