tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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