Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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