You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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