I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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