Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
