Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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