you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
