i already hear my dad disowning me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
