in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
BRING THE BAGELS
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
