Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
