is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
