hotel room ftw
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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