Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize