I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You left your phone here
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