btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
