i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
