We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
