I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
