I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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